What Gift to Get Uncle Goopy for the Holidays

By Gordon Hughes

THERE IS ALWAYS A CRAZY “UNCLE GOOPY” at the holiday gathering.

Well, it’s that time of the year. The obligatory gift giving season. Whether it’s Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza or perhaps another holiday, that, I beg your pardon, I have left out. A holiday where presents are given to loved ones and relatives. I do make a distinction between loved ones and relatives because there is always a crazy “Uncle Goopy” at the holiday gathering.
Years ago there was a French movie—it could have been The Red Balloon or The Tall Blond Man with One Black Shoe or one from that genre of fabulous French flicks—with a hilarious scene where one of the older male relatives jumped up on the Christmas dining table and dropped his pants (aka moons the dining room). The grown-ups were horrified and the children howled.
Of course there is one argumentative uncle who comes to every holiday dinner every year ready for a political battle, armed with his point of view and looking to convince all present that he is correct. Most ignore him but at least one person present will challenge him which takes all the goodwill out of the room and a screaming match ensues. Then a mass migration to another room occurs and everyone begins drinking heavily.
Then there is the uncle that just falls asleep at the table. This is usually after a whisky sour or two and a few glasses of celebratory wine and possibly a port. Sometimes he lands face down in the Yule Log cake. The French call it the bûche de Noël.
Then there are my own Christmas dinner memories. As I recall it started when I was about 11 years old. My father was one of the writers on a TV show called This Is Your Life. There were always a few TV personalities at our table from Dad’s shows like Gail Storm and Charlie Farrell of My Little Margie fame, or Ralph Edwards and his wife from This Your Life, maybe Jane Russell and her husband Bob Waterfield, quarterback for the LA Rams. You never knew who would show up. At the same time Sid Caesar had a TV show called Your Show of Shows. Sid did a skit on This Is Your Life and Howard Morris played the character called Uncle Goopy.
Our family had our very own Uncle Goopy. His name was Hartwell and he was my father’s brother. We called him Uncle Hop, an exceptionally conservative man in every way except on Christmas. On Christmas there was a total change in him. Almost unrecognizable as he would arrive in the worst sweater possible. Nobody knew where he could find such a thing. Hop did not drink, and he most assuredly never spoke about politics and God knows he never ever dropped a moon at the dinner table. However, on Christmas Hop would transform himself into Uncle Goopy and hit the trifecta. It was a truly amazing alteration of personality. One which the kids loved. My dad had witnessed this transformation since they were kids so there was little to say on his part. My mother made sure nothing on the dinner table was broken and my grandmother was totally dismayed every year. She had great hope that the transformation would not happen again. But indeed, it always did. My brother, cousins and I were in tears of laughter. Guests would be shocked. A total uproar would occur.
So, in these tumultuous times in which we live; two terrible wars, dysfunctional governance, new and evolving viruses, homelessness, drug addiction, world hunger and who knows what else, the holidays are a time to gather with our relatives and the ones we love, for one special evening to feel the warmth of family and good friends and to be thankful even for Uncle Goopy. By the way I just found the best/worst sweater for him.
Happy Holidays.